putting thoughts into words regarding the entangled state of mind which is my existence



I think it’s time I did some more writing again. There’s been something there which has just been simmering in my mind for quite some time. I think there’s something difficult in knowing that some people just run away from today’s world before giving themselves a chance to find their place. I see it as a conflict which takes place more and more every day. What’s troubling is that there’s really no escape at the end of the road, despite how much one might like there to be one. Whether it’s a religious conviction, an immersion into creating one’s art, a pair of headphones, a really good book or wherever else you might go to lose yourself, it doesn’t seem to accomplish much of anything if one doesn’t ensure that one is marking one’s trail, looking back to see that there is a clear foothold to step back on to to return to the grind house which is reality.

Escapism is a dead end road.

There’s no easier way to say it, because it’s true. Rather than being dogmatic about it, though, I would argue it in this way: Even if one truly were to escape into that which brings him/her the most comfort, this peace would more or less equate to some sort of forlorn stupor, which wouldn’t manage to have any demonstrable impact on one’s own sensibilities – making it a callous sort of self-debilitation. What I mean here is that if the goal of escapism is to decrease one’s stress in life, by decreasing one’s level of self-consciousness, then there is a divide – a wall – being put up which others perceive you to be building between them, which, in turn, causes them to feel distant from you. Eventually, if one pulls one’s self away by wide enough of a margin, then one will irrevocably defeat the very goal which one had set out to pursue; one’s self will be all that one has left, given the right amount of time and enduring number of blank stares.

The psychology is not very simple, and I won’t necessarily claim to know it off-hand, but it’s obvious that people don’t connect well with people who they think are self-absorbed. After all, there’s nothing really there on the other side reaching out to connect with them. But what kills me is trying to relate to someone like this anyway, when I know in all honesty that there’s just nothing I can really do if they won’t help him/herself. At the same time that this is tragic, I feel like it’s a growing pain that one needs to go through in order to realize one’s self’s true value. A value which helps consolidates one’s self and others into a community, or network, instead of a collection of disparate islands which one finds one’s self drifting between during one’s day.

So don’t try to lose yourself too much, or you’ll actually get what you want. There are plenty of people out there willing to talk you out of yourself, and frankly, that’s a good thing.